Sharing economy’s new success: Adopt a homeless person

Among the most incredible manifestations of the new sharing economy has been the wide acceptance of a program begun by social media activists that has American families adopting homeless humans instead of pets. While it has created some fear in the multi-billion dollar pet market place, it has also provoked the creation of new product lines for the formerly homeless now living in comfortable accommodations. More important, it has offered citizens a new opportunity to perform humanitarian deeds while really sharing their good fortune with those in need.

“We were actually getting tired of walking our dogs, picking up their poop and cleaning out kitty litter boxes, even though we enjoyed the special relationships we had with our dogs and cats. But homeless people clean up after themselves and know how to use a toilet and a shower. Their only problem was not having access to toilets and showers, which is why they always looked so scruffy and smelled so awful. It’s easy to see why, once you give it some thought. I mean, hey, how could I take a shower or use a toilet if I didn’t have one, you know?”

The sharing program began when a family from Middle America was on its way to a pet adoption center to pick up a homeless pet for Christmas and noticed a man sleeping in a doorway. They quickly decided to take him home, instead of a dog or cat, as an expression of good will at holiday time. They shared their experience with friends on Placemat and those friends shared their story with their friends on Facetime and soon it went viral. The rest is history as all over the nation American middle class families began to take in homeless men, women and children, instead of pets.

Professor Stanislaus Academopolis of the Center for the Study of Phenomena Beyond Comprehension has attributed the growth of this trend to the public’s desire to perform humanitarian acts in contradiction to the normal dictates of our social economic life.

“People understand that the urge to gain private profit at someone else’s loss is mankind’s oldest proof of evolution, having originated shortly after the big bang and even before the birth of anti-Semitism. They know that urge comes before anything in life but they also sometimes question, when they have an idle moment between work, shopping, texting and such, why so many humans have to suffer while so many animals are taken care of by other humans. This may seem an odd reaction to that reality, but it is understandable given the nature of our economy and the general state of mind of our people, which is to neither question nor wonder about the general state of our economy.”

Economist Dr Werner Von Wildebeest of the Center for the Study of Economic Origins of Everything in the Universe has been critical of some aspects of the humanitarian fad, but also sees commercial possibilities.

“New product lines for the formerly homeless can make up for some of the losses incurred by the pet industries which are responsible for more than fifty billion dollars of economic life every year. We may see a decline in, say, the production of plastic bags or kitty litter for dog and cat poop, but we should also see an increase in the sale of toilet paper, soap and deodorant for humans along with new fashion designs for clothing and accessories suitable for the once shabby and now more stylish folks living in homes instead of on the street.”

Just as surrogate parenting and same sex marriages have brought new life to marketing humans after its centuries old decline at the end of slavery, while also creating problems in notions of family and community, the humanitarian trend of the new sharing economy of homeless adoption has brought some problems along with its advances.

“We always slept with our pets since they were part of our family and we shared everything with them, including our bed. Of course we do the same with our homeless man, but I’m getting a bit uncomfortable with the way he snuggles my wife when we’re in the sack. I think just as we had to get an extra dog and cat to keep our other dog and cat company and maintain our pets’ mental health and psychological well being, we may need to adopt another homeless person. I’m thinking of adopting a homeless woman next time, possibly young and attractive. If she wants to snuggle when we’re all in bed together I might enjoy that. And it might teach my wife a lesson. Unless the homeless woman turns out to be gay. Hey, are there gay homeless people?”

Dr Emily-John-Bob Feminista, dean of the School of New Identitarian Markets, claims that with all the problems of unrelated and often un-socialized people living together, the gains for society in general far outnumber the potential problems.

“We are a new, caring, sharing, global culture of people and products that are available at the click of a switch, the touch of a tab or the turn of an eye. I just ordered lunch with my toe while saying that. Anything that makes the homestead a larger niche in the marketplace for products of instantaneous well being, pleasure and mental simplicity is good for all humanity. Even those who are unable to afford adopting a homeless person or a pet—the overwhelming majority of the population, which can just barely take care of itself—will prosper by having more mixed families of different tastes and diverse cultures who will all be able to expand their consumption habits while sharing in the joys of buying, selling and showing greater profits by such, um, sharing.”

Frank Scott writes political commentary and satire which is available online at Legalienate. Email:

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