Category Archives: Satire

His face flushed, his cheeks puffing half-syllables of super-heated air, Sen. Porkbelly Fishbottom was about to swallow an aneurysm. Continue reading →

I am Nobody. If that. Perhaps Nobody in particular—just another not very “productive” member of the other 99-percent. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your astonishing feat of transforming this once racist, imperialist Repoblip or Demogocracy or whatever it was into the Greatest Liberator of Human Souls the world has ever known. Continue reading →

The game of American Politics is played by skilled politicians (called players), but controlled by an elite ruling class of oligarchs (called owners). The game is comparable in many ways to pro baseball, except there are only two competing teams (called Republicans and Democrats). Like pro baseball, 1) the players work for the owners, not for the people who finance the game, 2) the players are well paid (especially highly skilled players), but the big profits go to the owners, and, 3) like baseball, the big profits in American Politics come from the pockets of the masses of people observing the game (called fans). Continue reading →

I hadn’t talked with Marshbaum for a couple of years, ever since he left newspaper journalism for more lucrative work in the fast food industry. But here he was in my office to ask if I would publicize his new educational adventure. Continue reading →

An employee who had worked at Amalgamated Security Systems for twenty-five years and was slated to receive his pension in two weeks was accused of murdering his boss when he was threatened with being fired. Continue reading →

Good evening, my fellow Americans. I’m here tonight to clear up some misperceptions about Operation Fast and Furious. Many of you are confused, even angry, and I fully understand. Why did the United States sell thousands of guns to vicious Mexican drug cartels, so that they could kill many people, including Americans? Doesn’t this make us accomplices to murders? Continue reading →

On a bright Monday morning, a day before tax returns were due, I bumped into my ersatz friend Marshbaum who was placing a change container at the Gas-High Mini-mart on Low Octane and Greed avenues. Continue reading →

American society is in such corrupted, chaotic shape that the only way out is to transform into a theocracy and reinstitute the Inquisition. Continue reading →

Homelessness Starter Kit, $29.99. For the myriad who were hustled by a bank into an impossible mortgage, then foreclosed upon. For the long-retired yet taxed right out of their own homes. For recent college grads who are jobless, of course, and too dispirited to return to their parents. Or for those who were simply laid off for no good reason and are now roofless, here’s a perfect gift for this holiday: Two pieces of cardboard, one to lie on, and one to create a begging and/or protest sign. As a bonus, we’ll include a list of suggested messages, completely free: WE ARE THE 99%, PREGNANT AND HUNGRY, I HAD A STROKE, I AM A WAR VETERAN, OCCUPY EVERYTHING DEMAND NOTHING, etc. For a Magic Marker, please add $1.99. Continue reading →

They buried Bouldergrass today. The cause of death was listed as “media-induced health.” Continue reading →

“Okay, class, we have a few minutes at the end of today’s lecture about how the godless Communists created evolution to try to destroy the decent loyal patriotic capitalist society of America. Any questions? Yes, Billy Bob.” Continue reading →

“Got any idea how to make a frozen daiquiri?” Continue reading →

Bankers are misunderstood and often slandered. Yes, we are greedy, but so are you. Cupidity is a natural urge, wouldn’t you say? It’s a kind of (con) genital juice that courses through everyone’s lower and higher plumbing. Whether it’s money, fame or nookies, most of us don’t just want our share, but always a bit more, often a lot more, than the next guy. Not to oversimplify, but here’s a bumper sticker for you, GREED IS LUST, but before you slap that onto your car, PayPal me five bucks, OK? It’s copyrighted. I just copyrighted it. Use it without my permission and I’ll sue your ass. Continue reading →

Nobody can deny the neat collapse of three World Trade Center buildings into their footprints at nearly free-fall speeds looks exactly like so-called “controlled demolition.” And yes, high-rise fires (many bigger, more intense, and longer lasting than those at the WTC) had never come close to bringing down a modern steel-framed building until it happened THREE times in one day on 9/11. But just because something looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, smells like a duck, tastes like a duck, and wears a tee shirt that reads: I’M A DUCK, YOU IDIOT!!!!, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a duck. Continue reading →

With the nation’s unemployment rate hovering about 10 percent, recent high school graduates are escaping reality by going to college, and college grads are avoiding reality by entering grad school. The result is that it now takes an M.A. to become a shift manager at a fast food restaurant. Continue reading →

“If it bleeds, it leads” is local TV’s aphorism that dictates its belief that fires, car crashes, and shootings lead off the nightly newscast. These stories, of course, are more “visual” and easier to cover than poverty, worker exploitation, and the health care crisis. Continue reading →

Throughout the country, the taxpayers have been revolting. Shocked by the enormity of the taxpayer revolt, and the untimely retirement of several hundred politicians, today’s current legislators, civil servants, and business executives have suddenly became the “people’s champions.” Continue reading →

Bullied, harassed, and lied to, District 1 of the Amalgamated Association of Easter Bunnies, AFB-CIO (American Federation of Bunnies–Cottontails International Organization) went on strike, forcing a halt to this year’s Easter egg hunts in Wisconsin. Continue reading →

A wall of suffocating heat nearly vaporized me as I walked into Marshbaum’s house. In the kitchen was a portable kiln spewing fiery venom that was curling the linoleum. In the den, wildly pumping a potter’s wheel flinging clay all over the room, was Marshbaum. Continue reading →

Millions of Americans gave George W. Bush unquestioned support when he diverted personnel and resources from the war against al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden to invade Iraq. Continue reading →

Thanks to the helpful feedback I have received over these past two, or so, years, I have seen the enormous error of my ways. Continue reading →