Category Archives: Satire

Texas justice: A parody

Officials in Texas are demanding that the cremains of Thomas Duncan, the first person diagnosed with Ebola on U.S. soil, are criminally prosecuted. Texas Governor Rick Perry is seeking the death penalty, comparing Ebola to both homosexuality and ISIS. Continue reading

Sharing economy’s new success: Adopt a homeless person

Among the most incredible manifestations of the new sharing economy has been the wide acceptance of a program begun by social media activists that has American families adopting homeless humans instead of pets. While it has created some fear in the multi-billion dollar pet market place, it has also provoked the creation of new product lines for the formerly homeless now living in comfortable accommodations. More important, it has offered citizens a new opportunity to perform humanitarian deeds while really sharing their good fortune with those in need. Continue reading

Lettuce look at some prices

I was resting at home when Marshbaum called to ask if I wanted to go with him to look at the lettuce. Continue reading

Glenn Greenwald and the myth of income inequality

Brother, can you spare a billion?

Quite righteously, Glenn Greenwald and his sidekick Jeremy Scahill see nothing wrong with Pierre Omidyar having $8 billion, and not using it to house, feed, clothe and heal the poor. No harm, no foul. Continue reading

The midnight visit from Reagan’s ghost

Barack was tired. He had just returned from a long trip to South Africa to memorialize Nelson Mandela. He had flown out and back with former President George W. Bush, a man that Barack inherently knew was nothing less than a war criminal. Yet, politics is what it is: A never ending series of compromise and accommodation. Clinton (Bill that is . . . well Hillary too for that matter) had taught him that this was the way it is and that was that, so why bother? It was late and he was really tired. He needed to finish drinking his night cap and go to sleep. After he rang for the White House butler, he gathered up some notes for an upcoming speech and . . . Continue reading

Compassionate corporatists

Recently, I wrote about the program Walmart has put in place to help their less fortunate associates or workers during this holiday season. If you didn’t see it, I described how Walmart has been encouraging some of their more fortunate associates and willing customers to donate canned foods to their colleagues to help them put food on the table for their families. I don’t know about you, but I never expected Walmart to show this much concern. Continue reading

Walmart, the company with a heart

It was with great surprise and appreciation that I read a news article which described Walmart’s effort to bring joy to its associates (workers) during this holiday season. I feel it’s only right that I re-evaluate my feelings toward Walmart and the Walton family. Continue reading

Shuffling federal paperwork

The right-wing part of the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, with John Boehner in the role of spineless lackey rather than courageous speaker, has shut down much of the federal government. Continue reading

Conversations at the rich men’s club, spring 2011

Deep inside this country estate, where only the very rich and powerful are allowed in, we were able to tape this meeting held over two years ago. It is more relevant now than ever before! Continue reading

Practicing un-medicine

Clutching a sheaf of newspaper clippings in one hand and a medical bag in the other, Dr. Franklin Peterson Comstock III, knocking down pregnant ladies, students, the elderly, and even two burly construction workers who were waiting for a bus, rushed past me, leaving me in a close and personal encounter with the concrete. Since he had given up medicine to invest in a string of service stations and an oil distributorship, I assumed what was in his medical bag was the morning’s take from obscene profits. Continue reading

Jewish snakes and kosher sharks

The Jewish Chronicle reported Wednesday that an Israeli man was rushed to hospital after a snake bit his penis during a visit to the toilet. Continue reading

TRED Laws: Their time has come so let Texas lead the way

Targeted Regulations for Erectile Dysfunction: TRED Laws

Texas men need protection: When will Governor Perry and the state legislature enact TRED laws for Erectile Dysfunction sufferers? Continue reading

The problem with the Bahmas

His face flushed, his cheeks puffing half-syllables of super-heated air, Sen. Porkbelly Fishbottom was about to swallow an aneurysm. Continue reading

Dear Ruling Elite

I am Nobody. If that. Perhaps Nobody in particular—just another not very “productive” member of the other 99-percent. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your astonishing feat of transforming this once racist, imperialist Repoblip or Demogocracy or whatever it was into the Greatest Liberator of Human Souls the world has ever known. Continue reading

EXPOSED: Official Game Rules of American Politics (satire)

The game of American Politics is played by skilled politicians (called players), but controlled by an elite ruling class of oligarchs (called owners). The game is comparable in many ways to pro baseball, except there are only two competing teams (called Republicans and Democrats). Like pro baseball, 1) the players work for the owners, not for the people who finance the game, 2) the players are well paid (especially highly skilled players), but the big profits go to the owners, and, 3) like baseball, the big profits in American Politics come from the pockets of the masses of people observing the game (called fans). Continue reading

Vouchering an educational adventure

I hadn’t talked with Marshbaum for a couple of years, ever since he left newspaper journalism for more lucrative work in the fast food industry. But here he was in my office to ask if I would publicize his new educational adventure. Continue reading

Man claims “Stand Your Ground” defense in murder of boss

An employee who had worked at Amalgamated Security Systems for twenty-five years and was slated to receive his pension in two weeks was accused of murdering his boss when he was threatened with being fired. Continue reading

Obama’s statement on ‘Fast and Furious’

Good evening, my fellow Americans. I’m here tonight to clear up some misperceptions about Operation Fast and Furious. Many of you are confused, even angry, and I fully understand. Why did the United States sell thousands of guns to vicious Mexican drug cartels, so that they could kill many people, including Americans? Doesn’t this make us accomplices to murders? Continue reading

Spearing a tax deduction

On a bright Monday morning, a day before tax returns were due, I bumped into my ersatz friend Marshbaum who was placing a change container at the Gas-High Mini-mart on Low Octane and Greed avenues. Continue reading

Use tactical nukes on Iran, North Korea and Pakistan: US missile defense will shield retaliation

As the old Nike footwear commercial once suggested, “Just Do It!” Continue reading

A modest proposal: Bring back the Inquisition!

American society is in such corrupted, chaotic shape that the only way out is to transform into a theocracy and reinstitute the Inquisition. Continue reading

Christmas gifts for a collapsing America

Homelessness Starter Kit, $29.99. For the myriad who were hustled by a bank into an impossible mortgage, then foreclosed upon. For the long-retired yet taxed right out of their own homes. For recent college grads who are jobless, of course, and too dispirited to return to their parents. Or for those who were simply laid off for no good reason and are now roofless, here’s a perfect gift for this holiday: Two pieces of cardboard, one to lie on, and one to create a begging and/or protest sign. As a bonus, we’ll include a list of suggested messages, completely free: WE ARE THE 99%, PREGNANT AND HUNGRY, I HAD A STROKE, I AM A WAR VETERAN, OCCUPY EVERYTHING DEMAND NOTHING, etc. For a Magic Marker, please add $1.99. Continue reading

Death by healthy doses

They buried Bouldergrass today. The cause of death was listed as “media-induced health.” Continue reading

The personhood of a Mississippi zygote

“Okay, class, we have a few minutes at the end of today’s lecture about how the godless Communists created evolution to try to destroy the decent loyal patriotic capitalist society of America. Any questions? Yes, Billy Bob.” Continue reading

Drinks are on the House (and Senate)

“Got any idea how to make a frozen daiquiri?” Continue reading

Letter from a banker

Bankers are misunderstood and often slandered. Yes, we are greedy, but so are you. Cupidity is a natural urge, wouldn’t you say? It’s a kind of (con) genital juice that courses through everyone’s lower and higher plumbing. Whether it’s money, fame or nookies, most of us don’t just want our share, but always a bit more, often a lot more, than the next guy. Not to oversimplify, but here’s a bumper sticker for you, GREED IS LUST, but before you slap that onto your car, PayPal me five bucks, OK? It’s copyrighted. I just copyrighted it. Use it without my permission and I’ll sue your ass. Continue reading

Satire: Experts’ stunning confession proves controlled demolition NOT responsible for 9/11 WTC destruction

Nobody can deny the neat collapse of three World Trade Center buildings into their footprints at nearly free-fall speeds looks exactly like so-called “controlled demolition.” And yes, high-rise fires (many bigger, more intense, and longer lasting than those at the WTC) had never come close to bringing down a modern steel-framed building until it happened THREE times in one day on 9/11. But just because something looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, smells like a duck, tastes like a duck, and wears a tee shirt that reads: I’M A DUCK, YOU IDIOT!!!!, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a duck. Continue reading

A punishing educational curriculum

With the nation’s unemployment rate hovering about 10 percent, recent high school graduates are escaping reality by going to college, and college grads are avoiding reality by entering grad school. The result is that it now takes an M.A. to become a shift manager at a fast food restaurant. Continue reading

Blood on the lens

“If it bleeds, it leads” is local TV’s aphorism that dictates its belief that fires, car crashes, and shootings lead off the nightly newscast. These stories, of course, are more “visual” and easier to cover than poverty, worker exploitation, and the health care crisis. Continue reading

A few cutting remarks

Throughout the country, the taxpayers have been revolting. Shocked by the enormity of the taxpayer revolt, and the untimely retirement of several hundred politicians, today’s current legislators, civil servants, and business executives have suddenly became the “people’s champions.” Continue reading

Look for the union bunny

Bullied, harassed, and lied to, District 1 of the Amalgamated Association of Easter Bunnies, AFB-CIO (American Federation of Bunnies–Cottontails International Organization) went on strike, forcing a halt to this year’s Easter egg hunts in Wisconsin. Continue reading

A crock pot tax-exempt idea

A wall of suffocating heat nearly vaporized me as I walked into Marshbaum’s house. In the kitchen was a portable kiln spewing fiery venom that was curling the linoleum. In the den, wildly pumping a potter’s wheel flinging clay all over the room, was Marshbaum. Continue reading