In another bizarre exhibition of the ragged state of the Republic, the Senate Intelligence Committee heard “testimony” Tuesday on the Russian connection from Attorney General, wilted southern flower, good ole obstructionist boy and “flustered Gump in the headlights” Jeff Sessions, who despite his high-ranking position as the country’s top lawyer somehow couldn’t seem to remember being anywhere or doing anything, except not to worry, whatever he did that he can’t rightly recall, it was all good and proper.
The New Yorker‘s Andy Borowitz captured the drama of a man suddenly, inexplicably “ravaged by amnesia,” quoting a bewildered doctor: “In all the medical literature, we have never seen an example of someone capable of holding down such a high-powered job while having no memory whatsoever of people he met, things he said, places he has been, or thoughts he has had,” Logsdon said. “It’s the stuff of science fiction.”
According to commentators, it also may or may not be the stuff of obstruction of justice; many lawmakers argued that Sessions’ answers, or lack of same, “do not pass the smell test.” Amidst a ridiculous stream of “I don’t know,” “I don’t recall,” “I couldn’t say,” “not to my recollection” and “I can’t remember”—and pandering idiocy from GOP lawmakers— journalists and social media wiseacres rose to the elf-themed task: “This guy sure doesn’t know much about the law—good thing he’s not the top lawyer in the country or anything . . . ‘I’m not able to talk about personal conversations’ is just racist old white guy for ‘snitches get stitches’ . . . Every pothead Jeff Sessions wants to throw in jail has a better memory than Jeff Sessions . . .”
And, in tribute to the fierce star of the day, California’s Sen. Kamala Harris—who hammered Sessions so effectively all the old white guys kept trying to shut her up—“Kamala Harris is only wearing one shoe because the other one is in Jeff Sessions’ ass.” Nothing quite captures the scene like this mashup by Jezebel. Also, kinda, this.
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Abby Zimet is a Common Dreams staff writer.