Republican Party: Spam like we’ve never seen it

The Republican Party has surpassed assorted phony Nigerian princes and erectile dysfunction pill pushers in flooding email in-boxes across the nation with appeals for cash. At the top of the list is the former guy (Donald Trump). His emails, sent from “Save America,” lead with “Joe Biden Must Resign.” And for a contribution to Trump, he can allegedly make that happen. Save your money, Joe Biden isn’t going anywhere.

Recent spam inundation has originated with the Senate campaign of former National Football League player and Texas resident Herschel Walker, who is running as a Republican for the Georgia Senate seat now held by Democrat and former Ebenezer Baptist Church pastor Raphael Warnock. Walker, a schizophrenic wife beater, who once played Russian roulette with a loaded gun at his kitchen table, has been endorsed by Trump. With all those qualifications, why wouldn’t he be?

Exponentially increasing in number are requests for money from far-right black radio commentator Larry Elder, who is hoping to unseat California Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom in the state’s upcoming recall election. Elder, who bears an amazing resemblance to the late comedian Slappy White, has two major problems, he claims. They are Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren, both of whom he laments have recently campaigned for Newsom in the state. Elder, who, like Walker, has a history of threatening women they are close to with guns, also seems to have a problem with strong-willed women like Harris and Warren. In fact, right-wing men are involuntary celibates (incels) precisely because most women just don’t find lunatics attractive.

A number of cash appeals have been sent by Dr. Kelli Ward, the chair of the Arizona Republican Party. Ward, an osteopath and one of the architects of Arizona’s Maricopa County’s 2020 election audit, better known as the “fraudit,” needs cash to fend off the usual suspects who have been criticizing the fraudit: “radical, Leftist, progressive, Trump supporter-hating state officials . . . liberal, Fake News HACKS . . . uninformed people, using the airwaves of CNN.” Ward doesn’t mention that her fraudit has been criticized by the Republican-led Maricopa County Board of Supervisors and the final report of the Cyber Ninjas “auditing” team has been delayed, not by “Trump supporter-hating state officials” and the news media, but because Cyber Ninjas CEO Doug Logan and two members of his fraudit team contracted COVID-19.

Everyone’s favorite Peeping Tom gym coach Jim Jordan wants your support for a “federal ban on forced COVID-19 vaccinations.” And he’d like to know your opinion in an on-line survey. Of course, your opinion will be counted in return for a donation to—you guessed it—Jim Jordan’s re-election campaign.  Jordan, like the Republican nightmarish version of Amos & Andy—Herschel Walker and Larry Elder—has a problem with strong-willed women.

Jordan’s enemy on the COVID-19 front is House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, everyone’s favorite “take-no-shit” Italian grandmother. Jordan’s email reads: “One day soon Speaker Pelosi may require anyone working in the United States Congress to be vaccinated or face yet-to-be announced consequences. After that, it’s anyone’s guess as to who else will be required to get a shot. With what we know about how Nancy Pelosi operates; it wouldn’t be surprising if she is already doing her part to implement a country-wide vaccine mandate.” Well, Jordan must be crying into his bowl of Wheaties because many of the country’s largest companies, the U.S. Department of Defense, and state and municipal governments are requiring what Jordan fears Pelosi will do—requiring mandatory vaccinations for their employees and personnel.

Senator Rand Paul, the snake-eyed libertarian and self-certified ophthalmologist, needs your money to wage his quixotic battle against Twitter. Paul’s bugaboo is that Trump was banned by Twitter while the Taliban and Iran’s Supreme Leader maintain Twitter accounts. Has Paul ever stopped to think that Trump’s vitriol has been far worse than anything ever posted by the Taliban or Ayatollah Khamenei? Neither the Taliban nor Khamenei have ever called African nations “shithole countries.” Nor have they called Rosie O’Donnell a “pig,” President Biden “Sleepy Joe,” or Senator Chuck Schumer “Cryin’ Chuck Schumer.” It seems as though the Taliban and Ayatollah Khamenei took time to read and agree to Twitter’s Terms of Service.

On behalf of the “Rudy Giuliani Freedom Fund,” the hair dye-dripping, nose blowing, and usually drunk former New York mayor, needs money to protect him from being targeted by the “Deep State.” Interesting rhetoric from someone who was once the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York and Deputy Attorney General for the Criminal Division. By any definition, that would make Rudy a member of the “Deep State.” Rudy will take increments from $25 to $250 or another amount. The Ukrainian, Russian, Bahraini, and Venezuelan wellsprings of cash must have dried up on old Rudy. Giuliani is still trying to link his legal plight with the former guy, although Trump has cut his apron strings to Rudy. Nevertheless, Giuliani’s email pleads: “What Biden and Kamala’s feds have done to me and President Trump are ‘tactics only known in a dictatorship.’” And what form of government would Rudy have seen if the January 6 insurrectionists had been successful in carrying out what Giuliani asked them to do to the U.S. Congress: putting them on “trial by combat?”

Judging by what Rudy did on the morning of August 22 at the business class lounge of JFK Airport, shave at a dining table while people were eating breakfast, perhaps he needs money so he can stop living in airports.

Not all the GOP contribution appeals are inane. Some are totally frightening. Turning Point USA’s Charlie Kirk—who has a face that looks as if it were drawn with a black marker on a white volleyball—wants money for a “School Board Watchlist.” Kirk, a throwback to one of Heinrich Himmler’s SS officers, wants money to maintain a surveillance database on America’s “13,500+” school boards. Kirk states their database will track: “Radical agendas being pushed by the nation’s largest school districts

Leftist, anti-American, Marxist, and CRT curricula and textbooks

Corrupt boards and individuals who pursue anti-American policies

And more!”

What America needs are armies of patriotic Americans not afraid to whoop panty waists such as wannabe Nazis like Kirk.

Also being pumped into email in-boxes are donation appeals from relative nobodies. Like Catalina Lauf. She’s running in the Republican primary to unseat Adam Kinzinger (R-IL), one of the few Republicans to support the House Select Committee’s investigation of the January 6 insurrection by accepting a seat on the panel. Lauf states in her email: “it’s time to choose between Crying Adam Kinzinger and Tucker Carlson, I’m Team Tucker all the way . . . That’s why I’m running as an unapologetic MAGA conservative against Rep. Adam Kinzinger (RINO-IL). It’s time to finally get this clown out of office.” Lauf claims to be a “former trump administration official.” In fact, she held a low-level job at the Department of Commerce.  She uses the same rhetoric employed by Republican Cuban-Americans to decry “socialism” and “communism.” However, Lauf is not a political refugee or the daughter of refugees. Her father is American and her mother is from Guatemala, which has never been communist or socialist but has been subjected to a series of right-wing fascist military dictatorships.

Speaking of nobodies, Candace Owen, who wishes she could be a Proud boy, but can’t because of her race and gender, wants $9 to “Help me cut through the media propaganda and get the truth to the American people . . .before the left rewrites history.” Sorry, Miss Nobody, but your right-wing pals are doing their very best to re-write history, as per Charlie Kirk’s threats against over 13,500 school boards and the teaching of accurate American history.

An imbecile named Harmeet Dhillon and his “Center for American Liberty” wants money to help in their law suit against “Twitter, U.S. Senator Alex Padilla, and a handful of liberal elected officials for their state-sponsored plot to eliminate our First Amendment liberties.” The first thing Harmeet should do is read the First Amendment. It states: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech.” That structure applies to the federal government, not to Twitter.

Senator Marco Rubio’s cash appeal is typical “Lil’ Marco.” He’s concerned that one of his Democratic challengers, Representative Val Demings, is “almost tied” with him. Lil’ Marco then writes: “We need to ramp up our efforts and get some more money in the door.” What do you mean by “we,” Lil’ Marco? Let’s hope Val Demings receives the money to get your lame ass out the door.

The email appeals don’t end with the aforementioned grifters and digital panhandlers. Some idiot named Ryan Gridulsky wants money for his “1776 Project,” a Nazi-like operation that is targeting “radical” school board members. The ever-annoying Ric Grenell, the one-time man-servant for John Bolton at the United Nations and perhaps the only U.S. ambassador to Germany whose Ernst Röhm-like lifestyle almost had the German government “PNG” (persona non grata) him back to the States, sent out repeated appeals for money for the Republican-led California gubernatorial recall election. Nevada Attorney General Adam Laxalt, the son of Nevada’s former U.S. Senator Paul Laxalt, wants to add his voice and vote to those in the U.S. Senate who reject President Biden’s 2020 election victory. Laxalt believes Nevada was “stolen” by Biden. John Castorani is begging for dollars to win the Virginia 7th Congressional District seat now held by Democrat and former Central Intelligence Agency officer Abigail Spanberger. In likely a first, mark me down as supporting the ex-CIA lady.

Others using the Republican spam email list include Staff Sergeant Brian Mast (R-FL). He thinks it’s better to use his former rank in his title rather than Representative. Hopefully, his constituents will tire of his continued support for the former guy and let him use his former rank all he wants, but as a former member of Congress. Spam has also been sent by two former black law enforcement officials who now kiss the ring of the former guy: former Detroit Police Chief James Craig, who wants to defeat Governor Gretchen Whitmer, and the certifiable insane former Sheriff of Milwaukee County, Wisconsin, David Clarke. Awarding himself more medals than a Third World tinpot military dictator, Clarke’s “uniform” can only be described as an exercise in extreme vanity.

Former Democratic Georgia State Representative Vernon Jones wants money to help him defeat in the Republican gubernatorial primary incumbent Governor Brian Kemp. This may be the only Republican candidate worth a donation. If a black Republican like Jones were to defeat lily white Brian “KKKemp,” that would send the Georgia GOP into a tail spin and fiery crash. Keep in mind that Jones, like Walker and Elder, is a Trumper, which is a lot like a chicken voting for and supporting Colonel Sanders.

Representative Jim Banks’s email stated the “hasty, unplanned evacuation” of the U.S. from Afghanistan “would not have happened under President Trump’s watch.” In once again proving that Indiana has been the greatest exporter of moronic politicians in all of history (Dan Quayle anyone?), here’s a news flash for Banks: the hasty U.S. evacuation from Afghanistan occurred precisely because Trump was on watch and he agreed to surrender the country to the Taliban, genius!

Most of these grifters sending email want money for some fringe-worthy cause, mostly law suits. I would like to initiate a lawsuit against them for trashing my email accounts with their unwanted junk, which does have the effect of negatively impacting my business and livelihood because of the amount of spam having to be constantly deleted. Anyone want to join me in a “mother of all lawsuits?”

Previously published in the Wayne Madsen Report.

Copyright © 2021

Wayne Madsen is a Washington, DC-based investigative journalist, author and nationally-distributed columnist. A member of the Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ) and the National Press Club. He is the editor and publisher of the Wayne Madsen Report (subscription required).

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