I thank the many Intrepid Report readers for their expressions of sympathy and support.
Not only have I lost my beloved husband but Murphy’s Law—you know, the one that says if anything can go wrong, it will—decided to have a go at me.
Three days after he died, I severely injured my left knee, causing tissue damage, internal bleeding and swelling. What can I say, other than it was a stupid accident. Then the swelling caused some surface veins above the knee to burst, so now I am being treated by an orthopedist and wound center. As a consequence, I have been spending very little time on line in order to keep the leg elevated as much as possible. Fortunately, I have loving, caring and helpful family members who are here with me.
Readers have asked if I intend to resume publishing Intrepid Report. My answer is yes if the readers keep supporting it so I can pay expenses. Thus far this year, donations have been way down. However, I see many sites are in the same boat. None of us can survive if we can’t pay our expenses. I can’t tell you right now when Intrepid Report will be back, other than when my leg heals.
If my husband’s death and my stupid accident weren’t enough, my ophthalmologist told me I need a partial corneal transplant. I have an appointment with a corneal specialist for a consultation in July. If the specialist agrees, that will mean more time off after the surgery is done.
I miss my husband more than I can say. He was everything to me and we had a super marriage and partnership. However, I shall survive, as he would have wanted.
Bev Conover is the editor and publisher of Intrepid Report. Email her at editor@intrepidreport.com.
Bev, I have been thinking about you–and I am glad to hear from you even when things are just a downpour of things that are not where you want them to be.
When my father died in 2008, a dear friend sent me a card that reads thus:
“In the wake of such a loss,
we’re haunted by things
we don’t–and may never–understand.
Yet the solace we seek
may not come from answers,
So we look for comfort
in the belief of love’s
everlasting connection.
May that love lift you.
hold you close,
and give you peace.”
It is interesting to me, that I found this card last night while I was looking for a document I have misplaced. Then I see your update on Intrepid Report today. I wonder if somewhere along the way heaven intended for me to find that card last night so I could share it with you today.
Anyhow, please take care and know that, as the card says, love is everlasting.
O:-)
Poor Bev, it’s always maximum BS, I don’t know why life is as such… but it is.
I am so glad to see that you’re still standing and, although so hurt, still having that surviving spirit.
As I told you before, living my own terrible loss, I have found that these everyday things and the loneliness don’t always get better, actually, sometimes the BS piles up when you least need it. And all the folks you thought we so supportive seem to slip away… Look at the number of comments on this page and the previous one…
But you know what? Even when things seem so bleak (and without waxing religious on you), I have found comfort in the smallest of things: the incredible beauty all around us when one takes the time to truly look, the sincere smile of a perfect stranger, the smell of a baby’s head (the most wonderful odor in the world), the scent of life and its promise. I know, it seems like nothing at all, but to me these types of things have become the most important things in my life. And I do feel that by rediscovering these simple things, in a way it brings me closer to to my beloved departed wife.
I know, it may seem like small comfort, but you will see, we often find purpose in the smallest, simplest and yet most meaningful things, things which busy bees often miss. You’ll see, you’ll join that club. And, actually, it’s really a good thing.
You know, I had it all; the love of my life of 34 years and beyond with whom I could be with 24/7 without ever being bored, plus we lived in Tahiti, beautiful villa on the beach, pool, toys, the whole crap, plenty of time to enjoy life and then this… and today I had to go back from paradise to grey, cold France (where everyone is always bitching, jobless or losing their business and just so negative) to basically bury my whole family. Everything at once. Not the easiest of times… I had it all and now it would seem I have little left. And also, for us readers of (I still call you Online Journal), we know the world is going to hell in a handbasket beyond our worst fears (boy am I glad my 2 sons are doing very well in China, away from soon to be post-apocalyptic uSSa, Europe and “the west”)… Things are good ! Sorry to be facetious.
and yet…
There is something behind all of this, I don’t know what it is, God or what, but there is something, there is hope and promise, I know it’s not the end. Others will think I say as a means to not fully accept her death, but that is not true, I do. But I know, I feel, that the truth lies elsewhere.
Do you know the song Hymne à l’amour by Edith Piaf? (which she sang after the love of her life boxer Marcel Cerdan died in a plane crash). The last verse is: Dieu réunit ceux qui s’aiment (God reunites those who truly love each other), I had it etched on her tombstone. Believe it Beverly.
Some might conclude I had it all and now I have nothing left. But that is not true, I am the richest of men. I had true love, I still have true love, it is a privilege few have really known. Sure I would have wanted it to last longer, but I am so thankful to have had such a treasure at all.
Dear Bev, please try to find comfort in these simplest things, I believe you will see they are the most valuable of all; even when in the deepest hole, they make it all worthwhile.
Love,
Bev, I think of you often and wonder how you’re doing. I’m so glad you wrote this to tell us. I wish I had some words of wisdom to impart, but I don’t. I can only say I hope for you the comfort and solace of friends, and love, always love.
Bev, thanks for the update. I hope your knee is better at this point. Please take care.
Bev,
In Islam there is a saying (maybe it’s from the Koran or the Prophet [peace be upon him!], I really don’t know).
The saying is, “God tests the most the ones He loves the most.”
May you have strength to endure. There IS light at the end of the tunnel!
Bev, the corneal transplant is beyond the pale. Please take care.
Bev you have the support and love of many friends and fans. Thinking of you dear friend. Im here if you need me. Just call. Hugs, Linda
Christianity, as most religions of this sphere, have a similar message… they’re played us all, those in cuntrol are the enemy. worldwide.